For my friends who are my mom.

A couple of weeks ago I listened to the RS General Broadcast. I had an "a-ha" moment as I listened to Sister Beck. A realization of something that had already come to pass for me. I had reaped the benefits, yet never looked at it quite this way. I have not always been one who has loved Relief Society. I was sure it was only for "old ladies", even years after I was married. Perhaps it had to do with being without children in a sea of mommies and babies at church. I never attended monthly enrichment activities and was sure RS did not need me and I certainly did not need it!! But without my even realizing it, all that changed. Slowly, but surely. The biggest changes having taken place since we've lived in our current neighborhood. Same house and neighborhood for the past four and a half years, two wards and three ward splits. And I have an awful gut feeling (rumor) that the fourth split is on it's way. Boo-hoo!!!

I am sure not all women living in my area feel the same way I do. We are all in different stages and phases of life and have different outlooks and relationships. But for me, this place has truely been "home". Most of the women I have regular contact with happen to be LDS. Most have been in a ward or another group with me. These women have made this place my home. These women have become my truest friends, the ones I trust more than most. You are likely one of them, if you are reading this.

I have felt so accepted, without judgement by the incredible women in my little "neck of the woods". Many, even most, do not know the extent of each others trials and challenges in this life. But the unconditional love and feeling safe with these women in my life, lets me know that even if our lives were an open book for each other--we would all still see each other the same, if not better people. So many have been so honest about their own struggles, challenges, shortcomings, self-doubts, marriages, parenting, etc. That honesty has meant true freindship to me. Real people. Conversations of lost jobs, financial assistance, saving money and finding deals, deteriorating health in self and family members, honesty about body image and weight issues, boob jobs and exercise, marital discord and heartache, children with challenges, bad choices, and thoughts of "stringing them up", the realities of depression and pressure we put on each other, the "trenches" of being home with little ones and being home alone when they are gone. The list goes on and on.

But then there is the other list--the list of what I have learned and gained from you incredible women sharing your lives with me. The woman who shares how long her 3 yr olds prayer went on and on and on, the woman who through tears shares how she refuses to take a negative outlook and will remain upbeat, the woman who after extreme heartache and disappointment says, "so, we start over. We try again." The woman who sees it as a blessing to have to recieve financial assistance because she now has empathy for others, and shares how it is so easy to judge. The woman who recognizes that I must need a boost, even though she herself is in the dumps. The woman who refuses to let her marriage end, and fights for the very one who has injurred her. The one who utters not a complaint about the responsibilities that fall on her as a result of her husband serving. The woman who has every reason to hold a grudge, even hold on to true anger, but lets it go. The woman who has felt judged and excluded, yet doesn't waiver in her faith she shares with the same people. The woman who greets every new neighbor, and every new mother. The woman who loves my own children, even with their obvious "stinkerness". The woman who continues to make contact with me long after wards have split, and new homes have been built. There are too many things to list. Blogspot cannot hold them all!!

But what I realized that night listening to the general RS broadcast, is that YOU ALL have been my MOTHER!!!! You have all faced trials, some to hard to share. So had my mother. You all teach me daily about who I should become. So did my mother!! You all love (or at least tolerate) my two children. So would my mother have. You do not judge my marriage or my husband, the size of my house, or our income, nor the cars we drive. My own mom would never have judged anyone for similar things. One of the highest compliments ever paid to my mom was from Darin. A decade ago he said, "Your mom is the only lady I know who doesn't gossip." She was an incredible woman. Her place cannot be taken by another. But the void of her not physically being on this earth has been filled, to some extent, by the beautiful women I live amungst and share my current life with. Those I rub shoulders with often, and those whom I see only once in a blue moon. You are my family's home. I know I can come to you with my heartaches and joys, my coupon savings, and testimony, my mothering pitfalls and victories. You are my mother......and I soooooo love you all!!!!

Note: Even those of you who are not LDS, still fill this role. You are a part of the group of women whom I trust and choose to associate with!!! You are a blessing in my life.

Below is the paragraph from Sister Beck that prompted these thoughts.

Me and my mom, Winnie, at my wedding reception. Feb. 9, 1995.

"Relief Society should be organized, aligned, and mobilized to strengthen families and help our homes to be sacred sanctuaries from the world. I learned this years ago when I was newly married. My parents, who had been my neighbors, announced that they would be moving to another part of the world. I had relied on my mother’s nurturing, wise, and encouraging example. Now she was going to be gone for a long time. This was before e-mail, fax machines, cell phones, and Web cameras, and mail delivery was notoriously slow. One day before she left, I sat weeping with her and asked, “Who will be my mother?” Mother thought carefully, and with the Spirit and power of revelation which comes to women of this kind, she said to me, “If I never come back, if you never see me again, if I’m never able to teach you another thing, you tie yourself to Relief Society. Relief Society will be your mother.” (Sister Beck RS General Pres.)

My mom was not moving far away, like Sister Beck's mother. My mom was leaving this earth. This is me and my mom two weeks before she died. She was able to come home from the hospital for my little sisters wedding. This is our last photo together. She died of complications due to her rare form of lymphoma cancer, an April 9, 2001, at the age of 60. From the day she was diagnosed til the day she died was six weeks. Six weeks of chemo treatments, spinal taps, loosing hair, and even having NO desire for chocolate!! Unheard of in her lifetime!!

She knew more than we knew, understood more than I chose to understand. She knew she was going and that the treatments would not extend her life by anything significant. She did them for me, and for my siblings. And she continued to assure me of how fine I would be when she was gone. I would hear none of it. I did not tune in to what she was telling me was happening. When she felt too sick to even eat, read, or watch TV, she continued to encourage me and show interest in my life. The last time I spoke to her, when she was conscious, was over the phone. I did not realize how sick she was during that conversation until my sister filled me in. My mother asked all about me, and what I was involved in at that moment. She downplayed the course her illness was taking, even as we were speaking. She reassured me and helped me not feel guilty that I wasn't with her at that moment. She did what mothers do--she loved me. And it's what you women do. My cup truely runneth over!! Thank you!!