My Amazing Mother. Gone eight years today.

Eight years ago today, April 9th, 2001 my mom died. She died of cancer, non-burkits lymphoma to be exact. The last thing I did to my mom was lie to her. I told her, "It's OK mom, I'm OK, you can go." Sometimes I wonder what she would have done if I had thrown a screaming fit towards the end, insisting that she not leave me or I would do something drastic. Would that have made her stay?? She waited for me that day. I was the last of the family to arrive. I flew in from California on the earliest flight possible. I had just been with her less than two weeks prior, and she was doing well, all things considered. I was not prepared for the worst that day. I thought surely Dad and the doctors had called us all to come just as a precaution, just in case. But as soon as I saw my sister Rachel when she picked me up at the airport, I knew things were worse than I had realized. And when we arrived at the Huntsman Cancer Institute, my two eldest sisters were waiting for us at the entrance, and rushed us to the elevator.

They told me, "she's waiting for you."

I do not know how long I was there with my family before my mom took her final breath. It was a short time. She was not conscious and her breathing was sporadic. I tried my best to talk to her without going into hysterical sobs. I sat on her bedside and listened to my dad and sisters do a better job talking to her than I could. They told me to tell her that I was OK and that she could go. That was my lie.

It was obvious that although she was unconscious, she was aware of what we were saying. My sister, Shari, started to sing "I am a child of God". We all tried to join in. As we sang my mom tried so hard to open her eyes. She was there, hearing us. She did open them for a brief moment and looked around at us....and then she took......a few......last......breaths. Her mortal life was over just like that. She was almost 60 years old. I was 27.

My mom always loved pansies. Especially purple ones. Some of the grandchildren sang "Little Purple Pansies" at her funeral. And each grandchild got a little basket of purple pansies to keep.

My mom loved being a mom. She had nine of us--she must have loved it!! She especially loved the baby and little stages. She was happy as a lark going about what had to be done all those years she had babies and children in the home. She was extremely organized, and kept a clean, calm home. I never once in my life heard her yell, or even raise her voice. She never seemed flustered by all us little rascals running about. I was the 7th child and she often made me feel like I was the only child. She spent time with me, and often alongside me.


Like mother, like daughter. My mom LOVED seafood!! Check out the catch below when we lived in Victoria, BC, Canada. She also loved the sea with a passion, as I do. Her earthly remains are resting on the bottom of the bay, up in Victoria. Her lifelong request.


My mom never thought she was beautiful. But she was. I wish I would have told her more. I wish I would have complimented and thanked her out loud more. There is nothing she would not have done for me. She believed in me. What a treasure to have grown up with parents who absolutely knew I could do anything I wanted to. Who made me feel important, different, capable. Who made me feel talented and funny and let me be me. How such a calm mother got such a dramatic daughter, I do not know. Dad??


Here is my mom on her wedding day. (FYI, my parents joined the church after my three oldest sisters were born.) And a picture of me as a teenager trying on her wedding dress for the hundredth time in my life!!! We all grew up trying on mom's wedding dress over and over. What a treasure. Of course I had to purchase my wedding dress so my daughter could grow up doing the same thing. No renting of the gowns!!!

Some of you have heard these stories before--but they are so worth rewriting. When Darin was a teenager, my mom was his Sunday School teacher for a year. One Sunday the lesson was on eternal marriage. Darin said he couldn't imagine having to be with any of the girls he had dated, for eternity. My mom told him that when he found the right one, he wouldn't be able to imagine eternity without her. Little did any of us know, that was his future mother-in-law speaking!!

Darin once said of my mom, "She is the only lady I know who doesn't gossip." Such a compliment to her that she lived her life in such a way. It's true--she did not gossip and took many friends secrets to her grave with her.

My wedding day. February 9th, 1995.

There was NOTHING my mom could not do. She was so SMART!!! She graduated top in her class in high school and junior college. And when I was 16 years old, she graduated top in her class in nursing school. She read books like crazy, and always checked out a huge stack from the library. She could sew anything with perfection. She was such a good cook!! (I don't know where I went wrong!!) She milked our pet cow by hand when I was little. She bottled and canned more jars of stuff than I can even imagine jars exist. She ran the vacuum every day, did the laundry every Monday and Friday, washed the sheets on a specific day every month, served dinner at exactly 5:30 every day of my life, raised our family with no debt and kept meticulous financial records, was always doing quiet service for those in our ward, and always led a life balanced enough to do the things she enjoyed--watch Wheel of Fortune, read, play games, and eat PLENTY of chocolate!!

From the day we found out my mom had cancer, til the day she died was only six weeks. She seemed to know "the plan" and that it was her time. But for her bawling, hysterical daughters, and two quiet sons, she agreed to chemo. She had done three rounds of chemo in a month--and I can't remember what else. Her hair fell out quickly--it was a mess--so my sister shaved the rest off. I spent days in the hospital with her, and she seemed to do OK. Things went well. Prospects looked good. Two weeks before she died, my youngest sister was married. The doctors let my mom come home for a couple of days for the wedding. My sister was married in the temple and it was the one and only time my parents, all nine of their children, and all of their children's spouses were in the temple at the same time. The above picture is my little sister, Naomi, with my mom, on that day. My mom was wearing a wig.

This is one of the last pictures that was ever taken of me and my mamma!! She was bald. What a good, good mom. What a genuine person she was. FYI, she raised a family of nine children of her own choice and joy. Well, almost her own choice. She did tell us that three of the nine kids were not planned. Wanted, but not planned that soon. She said, "FYI, the diaphragm method doesn't work!!" She was so funny like that--just out of the blue she'd make a comment. She never would tell us which three were not completely planned, but I think I was one of them. But she did always tell me I was the best Christmas present they ever had. Or did I tell her that?? She grew up with one brother, uncle Terry. He never had children. So you can imagine how amazing my mom was to her relatives and friends she grew up with. But you can't imagine how amazing she was to me. She loved being my mom. She knew who I was. She understood me. She loved who I was. It is my most heart-felt prayer that I can do the same for my kids. I am trying. How I wish she was here to help me mother my children.


I love you mom.